zan: (Misfits: Alisha's Sunglasses)
[personal profile] zan
Author: [livejournal.com profile] genaschuyler
Title: Avoiding the Paradox
Summary: What happens when Alisha thinks about the implications of Simon's actions?
Warnings: Season 2, Episode 4
Pairing: Simon/Alisha

In their short time together, there was one question that Alisha refused to ask. What happened when all of Simon's little clocks reached zero? She knew he would go away. He always said he would go away and, while a part of her refused to believe that, to accept that, another part of her knew that he would leave. She'd be left with a Simon that wasn't the one she was quickly falling in love with. Not yet. She comforted herself by pointing out all the similarities between her Simon and the orange-jumpsuit-wearing-Simon had. The quirk of his lips when he smiled and that penetrating way he had of looking at you before the shyness of the younger Simon caused his eyes to flicker away.

The morning he...left, she didn't think about it. They were just numbers counting down. She should have known by the way he looked almost wistful that she'd never be seeing him again. More, that he would never be seeing her again. She didn't even think about the repercussions when he jumped in front of the bullet for her. He had just died and a part of her heart went with him, never mind that Simon was right there on that meat hook when she finally went back.

It wasn't until a week later when Simon was commenting on a discussion of Curtis's powers, that the real implications of what Simon might have done and what he might have to do hit her.

"So to prevent one of these time paradox things," Nathan was saying, "he would have to go back in time to do everything that he had already done?"

"You watched Doctor Who with me, Nathan," Simon said patiently. "He has to go back and do everything in the order the others experienced."

A chill ran through Alisha. Sure, she'd seen the show, but she'd mostly been paying attention to the way that Simon came alive when he was in his element. It was a rare sight and one that was quickly becoming endearing.

"So, if you had to say, die to prevent something from happening...?" She couldn't finish the sentence and her fingers dug into the cushion of the couch.

She had managed to grab the seat next to Simon at the club. They were all sitting close so they didn't have to yell over the music, but he was close enough that all she had to do was turn and she'd practically be breathing in the breath that he let out. She turned and so did he and it was like they were the only two people in the room. She didn't even hear the music. She was just waiting with growing horror for his answer.

"Then he would always have to die," Simon confirmed.

She let out a breath and he sucked it in and it was all suddenly too close. Too confining. She stood up and rushed out amidst worried comments from her friends. She trailed her hands along a line of people, hoping that they would help block anyone who wanted to come looking for her. She knew why the older Simon wanted to protect his younger self from this. He wanted to try to change the past. She pulled her wallet out of her purse and opened it. The only photo in there was the one of her and Simon standing in front of the Las Vegas sign. They'd lived. They'd lived past the mental video game guy. They'd gone on to be happy together and he even took her to Las Vegas like he'd promised. Why, then, had he come back? Why had he put himself in front of a bullet that the evidence said would miss her? Unless it was just to do it all over again. Unless somewhere, a few years down the road, she would have to watch him leave her in order to rescue her all over again. Unless she would get to watch him kill himself so that his younger self could have a few years with her.

Tears welled in her eyes and she felt a surge of frustration and anger surge down her fingers and she almost tore the photograph in half. No. She couldn't do that. She wouldn't. Carefully, with shaking fingers, she tucked the photo back in her wallet and dropped the wallet in her purse.

She screamed wildly and sank to her knees in the middle of the road. She could feel eyes from the people in line fall on her, but she didn't care. They didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that she was going to lose him twice.

"Alisha." She didn't have to turn to know who was speaking.

"Go away, Simon."

He touched her shoulder and she sobbed. His touch was hesitant and she wasn't sure if it was because he wasn't used to comforting or even touching or if he was afraid he would somehow touch bare skin. It stayed hesitant as he knelt behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Prick," she muttered. "I told you to go away."

He stayed silent and strong and she found herself leaning back against him. She thought about that promise she'd made the older him. Simon must never know. If Simon knew, he would want to go back in time to try to sort out the way things should be. If Simon knew, he would go back and kill himself, just like this Simon had. Why had she let him? Maybe she hadn't. Maybe she had died sometimes in the future. Why hadn't he warned her, then? Oh, she hated thinking about this sort of thing. All of this superhero and time travel stuff, it was Simon's department. It didn't make sense to her. Only she couldn't tell him.

There was one thing that she could do. She took a deep breath and pulled away from Simon's hands. She smiled just a little when he got to his feet and offered her a hand. She just looked at him and he withdrew it sheepishly. She stood up by herself.

"Thanks for the offer, though." Her voice was harsh to her ears and the tears had probably ruined her mascara, but she didn't really care.

"I'll walk you home," Simon said. There was a smallest hint of a question to it, but he didn't wait for an answer before beginning to walk.

They walked in silence. The more she watched him, the more she didn't have to look for the similarities between her Simon and this one. And when he smiled his small, lopsided smile at her, she resolved that he would never find out who Superhoodie really was, no matter what things in time would get fucked up because of it. She refused to let him kill himself. She loved him too much.
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