zan: (Basic: WTF?!)
[personal profile] zan
State of the Me:

I'm not posting a State of the Pups because the State of the Pups has everything to do with what's going on with me. Currently, I'm in three games. Most of you would only know two, Tabula Rasa and Gotham: Year One. Those are the two I'm having problems with. On the one hand, I'm wondering if going away for classes last semester is the problem because towards finals, I just had let everything ever go. On the other hand, every other time I've had this problem - weeks or even a month or two later, I've always been eager and ready to get back in action. Now...

I stare at my tags and know I should do them. Some of them I even want to do. Most of the time I just stare at them and then go on to do something else. I suppose I have a few problems.

  • Is it all of my characters or only some?

  • Is it the character or is it the plot that they're involved in? If this, maybe the character can be salvaged.

  • Is it just the fact that I actually have to get motivated to ask people to do things with me?

I don't have this problem in my other game, though I've only been playing there a few weeks. Raven is fun and the setting has her stepping out of her element (although into the element she would have if she'd stayed in canon). I don't have this problem in most of the musebox things I have going on, though admittedly Kon is a bit of a problem because of game-related issues.

If I do end up dropping characters or even games...

I guess I'm scared that people won't want to play with me. If we don't have games in common, what will we have to play? There are a few people - Shan, Sarah, Jan, Hatter, I'm looking at you - who I know will have things to do with me in life after the games, but other people...

I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I don't know how to figure out whether it's just certain characters that are hard to write, I feel guilty about dropping characters that people are in relationships with, I don't want to stop playing with people, I'm just having a hard time writing things in games.

All I know is that right now, it feels like I can't breathe and something needs to give.
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