Avoiding the Paradox

[zan]

Author: genaschuyler
Title: Avoiding the Paradox
Summary: What happens when Alisha thinks about the implications of Simon's actions?
Warnings: Season 2, Episode 4
Pairing: Simon/Alisha

In their short time together, there was one question that Alisha refused to ask. What happened when all of Simon's little clocks reached zero? She knew he would go away. He always said he would go away and, while a part of her refused to believe that, to accept that, another part of her knew that he would leave. She'd be left with a Simon that wasn't the one she was quickly falling in love with. Not yet. She comforted herself by pointing out all the similarities between her Simon and the orange-jumpsuit-wearing-Simon had. The quirk of his lips when he smiled and that penetrating way he had of looking at you before the shyness of the younger Simon caused his eyes to flicker away.

The morning he...left, she didn't think about it. They were just numbers counting down. She should have known by the way he looked almost wistful that she'd never be seeing him again. More, that he would never be seeing her again. She didn't even think about the repercussions when he jumped in front of the bullet for her. He had just died and a part of her heart went with him, never mind that Simon was right there on that meat hook when she finally went back.

It wasn't until a week later when Simon was commenting on a discussion of Curtis's powers, that the real implications of what Simon might have done and what he might have to do hit her.

"So to prevent one of these time paradox things," Nathan was saying, "he would have to go back in time to do everything that he had already done?"

"You watched Doctor Who with me, Nathan," Simon said patiently. "He has to go back and do everything in the order the others experienced."

A chill ran through Alisha. Sure, she'd seen the show, but she'd mostly been paying attention to the way that Simon came alive when he was in his element. It was a rare sight and one that was quickly becoming endearing.

"So, if you had to say, die to prevent something from happening...?" She couldn't finish the sentence and her fingers dug into the cushion of the couch.

She had managed to grab the seat next to Simon at the club. They were all sitting close so they didn't have to yell over the music, but he was close enough that all she had to do was turn and she'd practically be breathing in the breath that he let out. She turned and so did he and it was like they were the only two people in the room. She didn't even hear the music. She was just waiting with growing horror for his answer.

"Then he would always have to die," Simon confirmed.

She let out a breath and he sucked it in and it was all suddenly too close. Too confining. She stood up and rushed out amidst worried comments from her friends. She trailed her hands along a line of people, hoping that they would help block anyone who wanted to come looking for her. She knew why the older Simon wanted to protect his younger self from this. He wanted to try to change the past. She pulled her wallet out of her purse and opened it. The only photo in there was the one of her and Simon standing in front of the Las Vegas sign. They'd lived. They'd lived past the mental video game guy. They'd gone on to be happy together and he even took her to Las Vegas like he'd promised. Why, then, had he come back? Why had he put himself in front of a bullet that the evidence said would miss her? Unless it was just to do it all over again. Unless somewhere, a few years down the road, she would have to watch him leave her in order to rescue her all over again. Unless she would get to watch him kill himself so that his younger self could have a few years with her.

Tears welled in her eyes and she felt a surge of frustration and anger surge down her fingers and she almost tore the photograph in half. No. She couldn't do that. She wouldn't. Carefully, with shaking fingers, she tucked the photo back in her wallet and dropped the wallet in her purse.

She screamed wildly and sank to her knees in the middle of the road. She could feel eyes from the people in line fall on her, but she didn't care. They didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that she was going to lose him twice.

"Alisha." She didn't have to turn to know who was speaking.

"Go away, Simon."

He touched her shoulder and she sobbed. His touch was hesitant and she wasn't sure if it was because he wasn't used to comforting or even touching or if he was afraid he would somehow touch bare skin. It stayed hesitant as he knelt behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Prick," she muttered. "I told you to go away."

He stayed silent and strong and she found herself leaning back against him. She thought about that promise she'd made the older him. Simon must never know. If Simon knew, he would want to go back in time to try to sort out the way things should be. If Simon knew, he would go back and kill himself, just like this Simon had. Why had she let him? Maybe she hadn't. Maybe she had died sometimes in the future. Why hadn't he warned her, then? Oh, she hated thinking about this sort of thing. All of this superhero and time travel stuff, it was Simon's department. It didn't make sense to her. Only she couldn't tell him.

There was one thing that she could do. She took a deep breath and pulled away from Simon's hands. She smiled just a little when he got to his feet and offered her a hand. She just looked at him and he withdrew it sheepishly. She stood up by herself.

"Thanks for the offer, though." Her voice was harsh to her ears and the tears had probably ruined her mascara, but she didn't really care.

"I'll walk you home," Simon said. There was a smallest hint of a question to it, but he didn't wait for an answer before beginning to walk.

They walked in silence. The more she watched him, the more she didn't have to look for the similarities between her Simon and this one. And when he smiled his small, lopsided smile at her, she resolved that he would never find out who Superhoodie really was, no matter what things in time would get fucked up because of it. She refused to let him kill himself. She loved him too much.

Comments

[razycrandomgirl.livejournal.com]

cheers.

I think the same thing.

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I think there are a few ways that this can go, but future!Simon was so specific that his other self couldn't no that it almost seemed suspicious to me.

[razycrandomgirl.livejournal.com]

This is why I was crying so hard when watching this scene. He kept telling her she had to let him die so the other Simon could be come him. And I was thinking "FUCK YOU! YOU'RE DYING!"

He really messed her up. *smh*

[ace-nikkei.livejournal.com]

I was desperately hoping for more Simon/Alisha fanfic. And this was a great answer lol. Ugh, beautiful and just heart-wrenching. I'm reading it again before I head off. :]

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Aww! Thanks. This is the first time I've written fanfic in years, but I just had itching fingers and couldn't help myself. I'm glad you liked it.

[razycrandomgirl.livejournal.com]

Yay for Misfits waking you up!

[veritas-st.livejournal.com]

*clutches heart*

God this pairing is rapidly taking over my life! Who knew it would be so angsty and gorgeous?!

this is a lovely fic, well written, thank you

xx

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

And they did it within two episodes, that's what blows my mind. I look back and it feels like twice the number of episodes have gone by already.

[veritas-st.livejournal.com]

I know! Crazy! I wrote some fic yesterday and I NEVER thought I would write Pairing: Simon/Alisha.

Its like one of the favourite characters has gone now, even though he was only in it for two episodes. What are we gonna do without Super Hoodie?

[purely-distel.livejournal.com]

THAT is what blows my mind as well. It's as if the show slapped us round the head and said "LOOOK AT THEM! IT'S PERFECT!" and we did and the show is right and we were just too ... well. IDK ... my mind is still blown ^^

tbh though - I went and rewatched s1 on sunday and to me THE SIGNS ARE ALL THERE *cackles* Like - did you ever notice that the FIRST time Alisha is on screen in the pilot (not the getting dressed bit. I mean all of them standing outside), the first time the camera closes in on her ... what is she doing? SHE IS CHECKING SIMON OUT! I am not even kidding you!

Which means I am now totally convinced she wanted him before he was labelled weird kid :P

[summerofsoaps.livejournal.com]

This is really lovely! Great job, and you raise a lot of the questions I had about Simon's time travel, too. Your Alisha POV is fabulous.

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Alisha is quickly becoming one of my favourite characters and Simon was one pretty much from the first five minutes.

[summerofsoaps.livejournal.com]

ITA. The obvious thing about the Simon/Alisha relationship is how it changes Simon, but in many ways, it's changing Alisha just as much. I love how strong she's become. :)

[purely-distel.livejournal.com]

episode 4 really, REALLY screwed with my head in a totally time travel related way. I've been sitting here, walking 'round in circles trying to figure out WHAT exactly it all means and ... well, I have no REAL answer yet ... I just trust the show to give us something so it all makes sense ...

ANYWAY - lovely little fic! Alisha seemed very fitting and I loved the interaction with Simon, especially them locking eyes in the club!

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Exactly. This was my sort of way of attempting to figure that out, or at least to work through one of the possibilities. I'm glad you liked it.

[haven1406.livejournal.com]

I loved this story. Just I wondered Yesterday if Simon purposely told her that she falls in love with him so that she would. Glad to know someone else thought about it. I think it was for both their benefits. Not only does she bring Simon out of his shell, he's going to help her realize there's more to her than her looks and body.

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Have you seen Superhoodie's twitter? Apparently he didn't mean to meet her, which makes the whole thing very interesting.

[darkwitchling.livejournal.com]

I couldn't help wondering what happens in the future to their relationship if future Simon has to return to the past only to die! Something must happen to Alisha because future Simon keeps saying things about how much he's missed her, and so he's willing to go back in time and die to give their past selves the little time they had together. I have to wonder what they did the first time around when there wasn't a future Simon to save them, if that's even possible with the paradox that time travel creates...

Great take on what Alisha is thinking after she loses future Simon!

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm not even pretending to consider how this actually happens, only what she might fear happens. After all, the person you love dies in front of your eyes and even though you know the person who turns into him isn't that far away, you can't help but think of worst case scenarios.

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

The end made me aww so much. I'm sincerely hoping the show comes up with a way to save our Simon.

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Oh, so do I. I think they'll manage to pull it off. Somehow.

[fan-elune.livejournal.com]

AHAHA USING DOCTOR WHO AS THE REFERENCE. Although I have to say, figuring out the time stuff is hurting my head, too, and I don't think time works the same way it does with Who, does it? Oh, I have no idea. I want to know everything because there is no way any of it works unless the timeline was already changed once but but but but.

Also, his small lopsided smile at the end. Aw, man. The breath thing in the club, also? Awesome.

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

HAH. Yes, there are so many ways that this can play out. God, I love them so much. *Resists apping...until at least after the Christmas special and first grad class*

[howlcastle.livejournal.com]

Brill. I loved it.

[genaschuyler.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading!